Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Does lurve plays an important part in our life?
In the first place does it mean aniething to u...
Wad abt all the beautiful n hapie memories we shared with each other..?
Why does sumone hv to cast an evil eye on us??
Wad wrong hv we done to them?
Why r u taking awae my happiness just like dat without anie signs??
Am i even wrong to b angry with u wen sumthing is not rite?
All dis question kept playing in my mind... d most important qn dat i realie wana ask is does he evn love me in the 1st place? It seems so easy dat he can just replace me with anie other gerls... i dun even feel dat im special towards him..
D last poem dat i sent him was:
Tidak ku menyedari betapa sayang ku kpd mu
setelah ku menghilangmu...
Sekali pun ku tidak blh membayang hidupku tanpa mu..
Ingin ku melihat senyuman maniz mu yg tidak gagal utk
membuat ku terjaga dan ceria selalu...
Setiap kali ku menutup mataku,
kau lah yg berada di dlm minda ku...
Hidupku mula menjadi indah dgn kedatangan mu..
tetapi apabila ku kehilangan mu, semuanya rasa sepi dan sunyi
smoga ku dpt berpegang tangan mu dan tk akn melepaskn nya
walaupun ape pun jua...
tetapi semuanya sudah terlambat...
kau tahu berapa perit dan sakit hatiku..
Luka nya terlalu dalam dan aku tidak dpt menerima hakikat nya...
Aku maseh menunggu utk mu berubah tetapi
aku tidak tahu jika nie smua akn menjadi kenyataan bagiku...
Akhir skali ku mahu memberitahu mu:
KAU LAH SEGALANYA BAGIKU...
11:20 AM
Friday, November 24, 2006
Woah diz whole week has been a romantic,sentimental n emotional week with my frenz which are rab,kia,shiela,mira n haikel... not to forget my bestie fira n faizal.
I began to feel the close bond btw me n my poly clique(kia,rab,shiela n haikel)... aww dey r so sweet.. seriously guys ur hugs n concern made me feel warm n u make me realise dat frenz also plays a big part in our life...im glad to bump into u guys..
Ystdae at the pahlawan beach, i didnt expect to c different side of each other..we sing our lungs n heart out n not 2 forget the drama mama scene dat we made up for the 'hurt' song... hehe now i noe dat kia n rab are scared of cockroach actualie me also lah... the sight of the sea was very soothing to the eyes.. it juz make me wana drown in dreamland...
Shiela is soo cute cuz she can even dance to the song 'sexy back' even thou she dislike the songs.. sporting huh... hehee.We all were like kampong boys n gerls, walking barefoot n enjoying the scenary.. its been quite sum tyme dat ive ever enjoyed my self to the fullest..we just free ourself a while from our responsibilities n go back in2 our childhood daez...
The most touching part was wen we hold each other hands tightly n not letting each other go no matter wad happens cuz it was readie late at nite...i noe dat i could count on them n diz iz wad i call true frenz... we didnt even seem to care abt the tyme that just pass by so fast.
As u noe kia will alwaez b the joker of the group... he neva fails to make us laugh with all his stupid n lame jokes..he can b quite sentimental at tymes but evrybody hv their own side of them... hehee.. he is quite soft in the inner part of him... n hard on the outside especially his abdomen..hahaa!
Rab is my most closest fren dat i can confide in... she neva fails to lent a listening ear n shoulder to me... she realie show care n concern towards the person without asking aniething in return.. n one more thing she is very generous... dats her plus2 point...hehee!!
For haikel im not quite sure abt his character yet cuz just get 2 noe him... wad i noe dat he is a very romantic type of person... n can b quite dirty minded at tymes... weneva i c fishball i will alwaez rmbr the phrase ' u got balls in ur mouth'..hahaa! Neva mynd slowly i will trie to get to noe him more betta...
Dis trip realie brought us more closer n i feel more attached to them... it doesnt seem lyke frens but more as brother n sisters...ive learnt alot from u guys... to b strong n just b urself is our groups policy... like the land of opportunity...
Hope dat our frenship will last all the wae n dun forget 2 organise more outing lyke diz again...
Our motto: Aww...so romantic... snap twist siapa lambat kena cubit...hehee!
11:15 AM
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Well wat can i sae abt my life...
Its so plain boring initially after i just lost sumone i loved soo much..
But luckily i hv my closest bestfren fira n his guy,xiao jun,munii,my poly frens dat is shiela,rab n khair n not to forget memii, geet, premmy,may n xue ling to fall back on... thankiu guys soo much for comforting me n giving me support...realie appreaciate it lots.
Without u guys i think my life wud b dreadful, i guess. Slowly i beginning to 4get him cuz i dun eva wana b hurt aniemore..furthermore wen i lose him i gain sumthing dat is quite precious.I found myself a godparent... d love dat dey shower me was priceless... dey realie will ask me hows my dae n give me motivation to live on.Im soo glad dat my life is improving n dere r no more crying in my daily life aniemore...yay!
Now den i realise its no point living in the past cuz it will hurt me even more further...
so i guess the best wae is to move on with life is to hang out a lot with ur frens so dat i can adapt well to being single again...hehee!
Like wat shiela sae we shud b selfish for once cuz wateva decision dat u make will determine ur future...
May thanx for ur motivation phrase... it realie make me feel alot better..
Words of wisdom from our May: Choose to reach higher level of thought, living in god's grace, be strong in urself, believing in god's timing... all things abt life is ur choice...
I will always bring this two phrase werever i go... wateva dat i hv gone thru hv make me into a better person... hope dat my life will turn out fine in the future!!!
12:03 PM
Thursday, November 09, 2006
On 7/11... i met my ex cuz he sae he wanted to settle the issue n noe the real reason for the breakup..
We tok things over n he sae he wanted to patchup with me n dat he realie love me dearly... at 1st i wanted to give him another chance den suddenly i saw lovebites on his neck...i ask him wat was dat n u noe wat was d ans he gave me? He sae his bro threw hairbrush on him n cause dat scar... it was lyke so stupid reason lah...
I went near it n saw sum teeth marks on it...he steel dares to deny it.. he thinks im stupid izzit? Dumb arse lah even thou im new in r/s i surely noe how does lovebites looks like lah... in front of me he steel can msg to other gerls n tok on the fone?
Iz dat wat u call sincere in wanting to patchup with me... i was terribly upset..is dis wat im supposed to get after showering u with all the care,love n concern..
Den i told him dat we can't b 2gather cuz my parents dun approve of him after all the things he done to me...i realie suffer alot...he also said dat he was very disappointed of my parent's decision n y must all dis cruel things happen to us( most probably he is pretending lah, if he go in2 acting surely can win grammy's award)...
He even ask me to move on with my life n b strong since my parents can't accept him... i just have to accept it cuz maeb he is neva even my Mr Rite...after dat he neva even contact me.. well its betta for us to remain dat wae...
at least it will b easier for me to forget u....
2:29 PM
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Wohoo ppl... i feel very carefree now...
well life steel need to go on no matter wat happen...
wat matters is dat we muz b strong, rite?
Lets c wat i wana blog abt... hmmm?
Ya in the mornz i accidentalie bump in2 chu xiang at mslg mrt station..
I was surprised to c her cuz didnt xpect to meet her dere also.
I tot she lives in woodland but no, she lives sumwer in spore other than wdld... can't tell, its a secret... hahaa!
In the train we talk alot abt sch stuff n ica dat r just ard the corner...
steel haven start on anie yet...
she share abt how she communicate wif her grp of frenz n we joke ard...
in life surelie we muz joke mah or else confirm bored to death..
In the aftn later, faizal wana mit me... dunoe regarding wat issue lah..
he sae it got sumthing to do wif his gerl...
Im quite curious lah.... hope its not abig issue..
Aiyo very bored u noe at home cuz recently my comp is down..
n i can't surf the net... wana tok on the fone also just hv no mood...
wat else i can do just listen to song...
i got the habit of listening to jiwang songs n den living on all those wonderful memories i shared with my ex...
Guess wat? Last nite he kol me asking me how am i been doing?
I just sae dat im fine n steel living... well i tot dat was the last tyme we gonna tok...
it was shocking to c him contacting me...
den i told him dat its betta dat we just become frenz...heex!
He was not quite hapie abt it but i realie dun wan it to drag...
i told him if we hv fate, it will neva go anw...
It was fun toking with him n laughing most of the tyme...
yalah wan to relieve tension mah..
Kae lah after dis is bio tut n 1082 lect... boring!
She confirm will repeat over n over again...Zzzzz!
aft dat can go home... yahoo! Wana slp arh... dats my favpastime nowadeaz..
so dat dun hv to think to much..yay!
12:27 PM
Monday, November 06, 2006
This is the dae dat i was afraid of... n it did came in the end.On fridae, my syg brought ayu to my hse for raya.. at 1st i was okae with it provided they behave as frenz.When i saw ayu came, OMG... she wore a nyonya kebaya very tight fitting n transparent wif her thick makeup.. it makes me wana puke lah.Cannot stand her sight at all wen i saw her.She looks rather old.eeeee...I just close 1 eye lah... den the worse n climax part was dat dey sat at my 3 sitter sofa side by side,shoulder to shoulder n she put her bag at the sofa... im not sure purposely or wateva lah... in the end i must sit very far from my syg.At least my syg shud hv ask me to sit nxt to him... i shud get the top priority since im his gerl but he didn't do aniething.I was disappointed.He did kol me syg n tok to me in a manje tone.. at dat tyme my heart was filled with anger until i sae shut up lah u... i gave him attitude.I noe i was wrong to dat but i just can't control my emotions... how long does he wan to hurt me...its so hurtful.I watch the tv n neva even turn to look at him.. Wen dat ayu sae dat she dun wana eat, he sae u wan me to feed u izzit in a pampered tone... i noe he didn't realise it.My heart realie shattered in2 thousand pieces... dis is not the 1st tyme... i hv tolerated his behaviour for quite a sum tyme... i cannot take it aniemore.I didn't even hv the mood to entertain both of them... as soon as dey wana leave home, i didn't even sent them off.Dat very nite he kol me n ask me wats wrong with me... y i show attitude 2wards ayu n he sae he was ashamed of my behaviour. Wen i sae dat pompuan, he suddenly stand up for her by saying she is his good fren, imagine how i felt at dat tyme..usualie he will alwaez tok bad abt her behind me.I felt sumthing fishy is going on.Den he sae he realie fedup of my behaviour...how was i suppose not to give attitude wen dey were talking merrily to each other... perhaps i was being too sensitive? I dun even noe my own feeling... terriblie confused at dat moment.He sae he will not kol me again.The nxt dae i sae i wana mit him to talk things out n i realie wana save the relationship,i msg him in the morning n he replie me at 8pm.Perhaps his ppd low n he just topup.He sae he realie dun hv the tyme to meet me cuz he is bz...den he kol me n ask me wat i wana tok. I didn't feel its a gd idea to tok on the fone cuz by confronting each other at least i can c the truth thru his eyes.. he sae i was behaving lyke a small kid. Den i told him dat i was at my ibu angkat home... he dun lyke it wen i sae im bz... imagine how does i feel wen he alwaes sae dat he was bz... it hurts rite, syg?Last word was he sae he wun eva kol me again... d nxt min he msg me he is going to marrie dat pompuan in 2 yrs tyme n now i gave attitude( was it my fault in the 1st place) he ask me to take care n studie hard for my future.At 1 am he kol me... i was shocked lah, i tot we broke up readie. He sae at dat tyme he was moody n dunoe wad to so he just msg lyke... he realie played with my emotion...lastly i can't take it, i told him its beta off we go separate waez. If we go on, both of us mite get hurt.He didnt replie my msg.ON sun,5pm he kol me to confirm weather i meant it or not.I forced myself to sae dat i mean it n i wun regret... den he start his sweettalker words dat his love for me is deep as the sea.At dat tyme onwards... it just ended between him n me.. Its all history... but i will alwaes rmbr him as the 1st person whu teach me the meaning of love..i steel love him despite evrithingdat he had done to me...maeb i'll just take it as a gd xperience... ONLI TIME CAN HEAL THE WOUND....
9:53 AM
Friday, November 03, 2006
Y can't u show ur care n concern wen i went home late dat nite... at least msg me lah if ur bz.. i feel so neglected.Its lyke im single n not attached at all... maeb u dun understand my feeling..i was waiting for ur kol or msg...my mood was interrupted..My imagination simply ran wild n i started doubting our love...wat if he has another woman behind me.. i wanted to put all diz things aside n just move on wif life.. but sumhw its hurting me.. i dun wan my heart to b pierced again by a knife...Todae also he is planning to cum to my hse n i was freaking shock dat he was going to bring ayu along...i can't reject visitors since its not dat polite to do dat... im so surprised cuz i steel rmbr the last tyme he told me dat he was going to avoid her lah... n now dey r getting more close..wat is diz? Janji palsu izzit?Y is dat gerl so eager to c me? She wana compare herself wit me izzit? Im reallie puzzled abt her behaviour...Y do all guys like to sweetalk even wen dey r not sincere?Its like ur playing with gerls emotion lor...he even was proud dat he can sweetalk gerls until their heart melt..haiz.I even raise the quetion weather all diz while he sweetalk me is sincere or not? N he sae he was sincere... its hard to trust his words but i just accept it lah..N recently another guy came into my life... he was quite a nice guy... the prob iz he was heartbroken cuz his relationshp failed... he was feeling down so he gave me a kol ystd... he express his feeling n frustration to me... as to y gerls can fool a guy in showing dem dat dey love them but in fact there're not...He even ask me y he neva fall in love with me instead... i sae its all in the hands of god.Anw we r the one whu plan but god r the one determine our fate... i tried comforting him but now im scared dat he will fall in love with me if i continue to get close? Wad shud i do? I dun wan to give him false hope... since he alreadie had his heart shattered many timez.... n he dun even noe dat im attached at the moment cuz i hv made a promise with him...I realie hope dat he n me can b frenz onli n nothing else cuz i realie love my guy a lot despite how he treat me... maeb its just a test dat god wana c weather i can handle the prob n obstacle or not... i hope my guy won't misunderstand all diz... i dun eva wana even tink of playing with ppls emotion cuz dat is the most fragile part of human..Lets just c wer will diz end...
1:06 PM
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Woah ystd jln raya with fira n fai was super fun arh...fai brought us to his ex gerl hse.My gosh their parent was very young sae.Dey were ard 30+ n hv 2 kids aged 16 n 11 yrs.But their parents doen't look like 30+ at all, instead dey look lyke 20+...It was quite shocking for me... wen i 1st reached, i tot dere were her uncle aunties... but to my disbelief dere r not.Her mum was very friendly n we talk to their parents as if they were our frens..maeb due to a smaller age gap.She did educate me abt family n how to choose the rite type of fren..she ask me dis question: Btw happiness n freedom which one will i choose? I'll definitely choose happiness cuz its very hard to find n now i noe dat parents n sibling r our true fren bak pepatah air dicincang tiada putusnya... n freedom not necessarily will lead to happiness...I find wat she sae is quite true... she also told me if our guy look at other gerls, we shud not pinch them or wateva cuz dey will feel restricted...im quite surprised at how human being behave... the things dat they r forbidden to do,dey wana do but the things dat they can do.. dey dun wana do...Now i realise y parents sumtyme restrict teenager's freedom.. dey wan the best for their own child... dats y trust for our own family members is the most impt thing in life... friends can neva b trusted easily... true frenz nowades are hard to find seriously...Its normal to joke wen we r having a conversation... but if ur not hapie with wat i sae.. tell me frankly cuz i might not even realise my mistake.. if u think carefully, no human being is perfect in the 1st place n we do make mistake... unless if ur a god lah... am i rite to sae dat????Dat is y dere is such thing as the proverb forgive n forget...
3:30 PM
